(INSIDE THE CARD BOX)
Easybella did you not read my letters why are you too busy? Esme said you are very busy. I asked her and she said you are ok, just busy I was very happy to hear that. I had a nightmare the other night you fell down a cliff and into the water and I called and called and begged and cried really a lot of words. I used a lot of words in that dream but you never came up again. And I know you fall a lot so I was afraid you didn't answer my letters yet, you could have been dead! I'm happy you are ok. I wish you were here, so bad. I know you said I would make friends but don't be mad, I don't want friends I want you. I miss you don't you miss me too. Please don't be mad please write me back. Please, friends forever, E (your little green)
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Bella Swan
775 K St.
Forks, WA 98331
October 5th, 2005
My dear little Green,
Like every first Monday of the month, I called your mom first thing after school. And like every time before, she had nothing for me – no letter, no note, no word from you, nothing. I don't get it; what have I done to you? Are you mad at me? Is it because I wasn't there to say good-bye to you? You know I wanted to come, right?
I can only say it again: It was a misunderstanding. I was so damn sure that Esme had said Tuesday, and I had it all planned out, asked my dad to drive me over and everything. But when I arrived at your family's house Monday afternoon, there was only Carlisle who told me you and your mom had left in the morning. I still don't know how and why I messed up with the date; I will be forever sorry about that.
But I really hope it's not the reason you don't write me back.
Esme keeps telling me the same things, like that you're just having a hard time adjusting at school and learning, that your mind is occupied with other things. She keeps telling me that you need time, that you haven't forgotten me and that I shouldn't be too disappointed and such. So I try to be patient.
I know, I really know, it must be difficult for you there, and I don't want to push you. I understand that. I'm just thinking of you a lot and I'm a bit worried about you. I have tons of questions, and Esme answers them the best she can, I guess. But I'd really like to hear from you some time. How are you doing? Do you like the place? And Esme told me about your special music classes; are you enjoying yourself? I'm so proud of you! Always told you you're a musical genius, remember? Oh, how I'd love to hear you play the piano...
Also, how are the other kids? Do they speak? Any little chatterboxes like you around? Did you make friends yet? I really hope so, because you deserve a million friends! No wait, I'm just kidding! Too many friends can be pretty scary, right? But one or two, maybe? Remember when I told you to pay attention to the other kids' faces, especially the silent kids? Watch out for smiles or brief glances in your direction. And don't be afraid; you don't need to talk to them, just smile back for starters. You can do it!
And maybe you find someone to play music with you, wouldn't that be great? I miss our singing together, and reading, and oh well, I just miss you. Will you be home for Thanksgiving? I am supposed to visit my mom in Phoenix, but maybe I'll just stay in Forks so I can come over and we can spend some time together. I will ask Esme about it.
I wanted to email you via the school's email address, hoping they would pass it on to you. But then I thought it's not such a good idea. It sucks that you don't have a private addy there.
Anyway, don't worry about me, I'm fine. Nothing really new or exciting at my end. Two days ago, I had another 'date' with your dad in the ER. I fell and sprained my ankle, but it isn't very bad. You know me.
Oh, wait – I didn't tell you, I HAVE A CAR NOW! How cool is that? It's old, VERY old, but it's so awesome being able to drive myself. My dad bought it from my friend Jacob's dad. If you come home on Thanksgiving, and if your parents allow me, I'll give you a ride.
Ok, I'll stop for now. I don't know if there'll be more letters before Esme's next visit this time. Maybe I should leave it at one? Give you a little space, as they say? Just take your time; I still hope to hear from you whenever you're ready. Just know I'm here for you if you need me. Whatever it is, share a laugh, ease any trouble, advice, questions, anything. Ok?
Friends forever!
Holding you tight, in my heart and mind,
your Easybella
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Easybella when you get this can you please write me back? I'm sorry if I hurt you I don't know what to do. Please please talk to me! I asked Esme to bring you next time she comes. Please say yes! I also asked her to talk to your dad just in case he won't let you. I know he doesn't like me because I'm weird, and he has a gun and tries to be scary. But Esme is not afraid of him so don't worry about that just please say yes say yes. Having nightmares again, many. Please Easybella friends forever! E (your little green)
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October 12th, 2005
P.S.
I asked your mom about Thanksgiving today, and she said that you and your parents will be at your grandparent's in Chicago. I'm very sad that we won't see each other, but you'll have a good time with your family and your grans will spoil you rotten, turkey and cake and cookies!
Speaking of, I thought I'd bake some cookies for you and give them to Esme with this letter. Maybe our special 'Knights with Spades', you know, the ones with the peanut butter chips inside. What do you think, would you like that?
Oh boy, I wish I could talk to you. I wish I could touch you. How is the sleeping going? Nightmares still in check? Sure there is someone you can call at night, just in case? If you were here right now, I would hug the shit out of you! Write me if you feel like it, spider monkey, ok?
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Easybella when you read this I think you've heard it from Esme already. She was very upset, everyone was very upset with me. But please not you ok? I promise I won't run away again! I will be good and stay here even if I don't know how. I didn't really plan on going to Forks, I wouldn't know how to do it. I made it to a bus stop but it was so dark and when a bus came I hid behind the shelter and stayed there all night. I just wanted everyone to see that I can't do this any longer and to see I'm serious so maybe they would finally send me home you know? But don't tell Esme! She was so upset, the nurse who talked to her on the phone said so. And the policemen who found me also said I had caused her big concern one looked very much like your dad. I don't want to upset anyone please can you not write me back Easybella? I cry a lot at night all the crying makes me sick. I don't understand how can you be too busy to write me. Are you really ok? I'm not. Please write. E (little green)
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October 30th, 2005
P.P.S.
Sorry, I didn't make the cookies. Next time, maybe. Why don't you make a list of your favorite cookies for me, and I'll bake them? Do you think you could do that? Just the list, and maybe say hi to me and tell me how you're doing; that would make me so happy. Please? I'm thinking of you, little Green, always. I will get this letter to your mom now. Have a nice weekend.
Friends forever!
Your Easybella
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Easybella are you mad at me? Esme is here and you are not and I'm not stupid something is wrong. Please why don't you talk to me any more, I'm so sick they say I'm homesick, like many kids who come here. But I'm not homesick at all, I'm Easybellasick it hurts so bad. Have you forgotten me? I tried to call you but I'm still scared on the phone couldn't get a word out when your dad picked it up, I just couldn't so sorry Easybella. I'm not good enough I know I'm weird and don't speak enough and don't understand enough, maybe you are happy I'm gone. But I learn a lot, I can be better! I'm getting new medicines to make the sadness and the nightmares go away but they don't work just make me tired. I'll stop writing you if you want me to, I'm so tired I need to sleep now. Miss you so much my head hurts all the time. I'm sorry if I did anything wrong what did I do? E
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Chapter Notes:
A word about the way Little Green writes.
We all know he is extremely intelligent, and he's always been a smart kid, even at the age of eleven. I'm not implying here that people with autism or Asperger's aren't capable of writing correctly!
I get reviews and mails from quite a few adults with Asperger's; some of them write absolutely perfect grammar and punctuation, some of them write like Little Green did here, or similar.
I decided to make his writing a little messy, given that he's only eleven, very sad and desperate and not used to express his inner turmoil with words yet, so...
to all my precious readers who are personally concerned with any form of autism: You humble me all the time with your words, and I hope you know I didn't mean to disrespect or offend anyone.
Also, you know present time Little Green; he's come a long way since then...
My heart hurts for Little Green, reading this. Been there, sweetie.
ReplyDeleteI really hate Esme.